Home		What Do You Want for Your Children? (4)

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     Allow children to solve their own problems as much as possible. Solving children's problems makes us feel competent and needed; but, we are denying our children chances to learn that they can think for themselves. Parents can offer guidance that leads children to find their own answers. Those children will learn that they have control of their lives, and will be encouraged by knowing their parents have confidence in them.

     Give your child a chance to feel powerful by giving choices. Power struggles arise because children feel powerless and valueless. Choices give the child practice making decisions and show him that he has control over his life. These choices should place increasing responsibility on the child as he grows.

     Use natural and logical consequences to redirect your child's behavior. Parents should decide beforehand who owns the problem, and whether it really matters enough to make an issue of it. The parent may ask, "Does this situation infringe on my rights, or is this just my need to be in control?". A guiding principle is that the parent must be both firm and kind at the same time. Being firm means having respect for himself, making his feelings known, and asking for what he wants; being kind means having respect for the child. As social equals, both parents and children have the right to their own feelings, ideas and opinions. Logical consequences give the child the chance to make a decision and accept the responsibility. Parents who rescue or protect their children from logical and natural consequences allow them to grow up ignoring the natural and social order in the world.

     Give children increasing responsibility. Let them make decisions within increasing limits, and allow them to experience the natural and logical consequences of those decisions as they grow. They will learn that they have personal power and are responsible for their own lives.

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